Understanding and Coping With Grief

Grief – a time to heal

The death of someone you love deeply is probably the most painful experience that will ever happen to you. No two people react in the same way to grief and although they may feel similar emotions it is important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve.

When someone close to you dies you may experience some of the following emotions and physical reactions

Disbelief/Numbness

The initial response to a loss is disbelief and numbness – you feel what has happened is unreal; almost like a bad dream.

The early days play a valuable part in helping bring the bereaved to terms with the death. Viewing the deceased and arranging the funeral can all help to bring home the reality of the situation. Some people may continue to carry on as normal but feel completely numb and not part of the real world.

Anger

After the numbness disappears it may be replaced with anger. Anger is not an emotion that people usually associate with grief but it can appear in many forms.

You may feel angry at the reaction of family and friends. “Why do they keep telling me how well I am coping – I am not coping - I am just getting through each day because I don’t have a choice”.

Your anger may point in unexpected directions – at the deceased – “Why did they die and leave me to cope on my own”. If you are religious you may feel this – God has let you down – Why is He punishing me”. Or you may feel angry at those whom you believe could have prevented the death of the person you lost – the hospital – the car driver.

Guilt

Feelings of guilt are also common – “if only” can be followed by an almost never ending permutation of events. There is a tendency to go over the events surrounding the death again and again for things done or left undone, words said or left unsaid.

Physical Reactions

Grief can affect you physically as well. Some common symptoms are crying, lack of energy, appetite changes, sleeplessness, nausea, diarrhoea, tightness in the chest, muscular tension, inability to concentrate and a tendency to be forgetful.

Does Time Heal?

When you have lost someone you love, things cannot be the same again. Changes have happened that cannot be undone. It is not so much that time heals but that it is the passage of time that allows you to work through your grief and allows healing to follow.

Yet as time passes there is a need to let go of the sadness and to face the future again. You don’t forget. Although the person you loved is not with you physically, they are there with you in many other ways – memories, relationships, thoughts and many other ways.

It is possible to discover strengths within yourself that you didn’t know existed and it is these which will help you cope with the future.

Here's some suggestions for helping others through their grief >